Congratulations! You just got engaged! And you're not alone. Did
you know that close to 30 percent of couples get engaged between the
Thanksgiving and New Year's holidays?
So what do you do now? Here are my top 10 tips that will help
you successfully navigate -- and truly enjoy -- this exciting time in your
life. I also reached out to recent brides for their input.
1.
Don't post on social
media first!
Wait
until you have personally told the people you care about most. Make those phone
calls -- first to your parents, then to your siblings. Grandparents and best
friends are next, and then other close friends and family. Only then should you show off your ring on Instagram.
2.
Get ready for the
questions.
Everyone
will be excited for you and will naturally want to know all the details. Craft
some good catchall responses to these types of questions:
o
Q: When are you
getting married? Have you set a date? You can
say, "We're thinking of a spring wedding," or, "We've decided on
a one-year engagement to give us time to plan all the details."
o
Q: How did he
propose? Develop your story. You'll be telling it over and over
again.
o
Q: Am I invited? Important
tip: Don't commit to inviting someone that may not make the guest
list. In the early stages of sharing your news, you haven't had time to
determine whom you will and won't be able to include, so unless you're 100%
sure someone makes the cut, don't commit. Be polite but vague, something like,
"We haven't finalized our wedding plans, but I think we may be keeping it
fairly small."
o
Q: Am I in the
wedding? Important tip: Don't ask someone to be
in your wedding party until you know some of the details and associated costs.
Wait until you have a good idea where your wedding will be and what costs your
wedding party will be expected to pay. For example, do you want a destination
wedding? This will likely add additional expenses for your wedding party. When
inviting your attendants, discuss the costs up front before they commit. If
they can't afford it, let them decline gracefully and tell them you understand.
3.
Meet the parents.
We will assume that you have already met each other's parents,
but have your parents met one another? If not, now is the time to make that
happen. Traditionally, the parents of the groom reach out to the parents of the
bride and arrange to meet or at least talk over the phone. This is the first
step in laying the foundation for a good relationship between the parents. They
may be working together in the planning of wedding or pre-wedding events.
4.
Insure your ring.
If your fiancé proposed with a traditional diamond ring or
another expensive bauble, make sure to protect the investment with insurance.
You can add it to your current homeowner's or renter's insurance. Don't have
insurance? Now is the time to take that step.
5.
Draft the guest list and
set the budget.
Get an
idea of the size of your wedding by making a first draft of the guest list.
Next, discuss and set your budget. These two factors are the foundation, and
determine the type of wedding you chose to have.
6.
Pick the date.
The time of year you chose is key to your wedding planning. The
most popular wedding months are (in this order):
o
June
o
September
o
August
o
May
o
October
o
July
If
you're picking a popular time of year, you will want to plan well in advance to
make sure you're able to secure your preferred venue. The best method is to
pick a season, month or selection of possible dates; pick your venue; and book
an available date at that venue.
7.
Research wedding apps and
websites, and consider hiring a wedding planner.
Everyone needs help. If your budget allows, a wise investment
comes in the form of an expert to guide you through the process. If not, there
are great apps and websites that help keep you organized every step of the way.
8.
Take your marriage
seriously.
Don't
take this the wrong way, but now is the time for premarital counseling. All
couples should seek premarital counseling whether or not your religion requires
it. This is a good time to discuss the difficult issues that will face you in
your life together. Counseling will help make your bond stronger as you learn
how to work out problems together and disagree productively. It's never too
soon to discuss plans for children, how you will handle your finances and
boundaries for in-laws.
9.
Don't share everything
(or anything) on social media.
I know
you're excited, but holding back on how much you post about your wedding plans
can actually make your life easier. It will reduce the unsolicited advice,
number of questions, hurt feelings and self-invited guests.
10.
Don't let wedding
planning take over your relationship.
Make
time to date each other and keep the romance alive. Set aside date nights where
you focus only on each other and not the wedding. Wedding planning can be very
stressful. Take a deep breath and remember that the commitment is much more
important than the wedding. This is a time to build your relationship up -- not
let the stress tear it down.
Most of all, don't forget to have fun! It's easy to get caught
up in the hustle and bustle of wedding planning. But keep in mind that this is
a magical -- and finite -- time in your relationship. So take the time to pause
and enjoy it, and don't sweat the small stuff.
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