OVERTHINKING: The Worst Thing a man can do While Searching for Love

How do I approach her? What should I say? Am I her type? Why did I think that trying to grow out my beard would look good? These are just a few of the many questions that pass through the mind of a male when he spots a lady who tickles his fancy. Every guy has them; I used to obsess over these thoughts because I believed they actually mattered. But, these thoughts can consume you and even spoil your attempts to court women. Stop overthinking it. Trust me on this one, overthinking it with women is detrimental to your chances of finding love. Here’s why: It decreases your chances of success. Women have the ability to read men better than we can read women. Ladies are like lions in the sense that they can smell fear. They’ve been approached by suitors throughout their entire lives, which makes them experts in picking up on any disconnect faster than men can. They can spot authentic approaches versus fabricated ones from a square mile away. When you have to think about something to say to a desirable woman, you aren’t treating her like a human being. Instead, you are treating her like a mirage that will disappear if you don’t say the right thing. And guess what? Poof! She will vanish. Women are people, just like you. The more thought out your attempt is, the less likely it is to work. Women don’t like guys who speak directly from a flowchart; it’s boring. Women like spontaneity, so be in the moment, not in your head. It’s warding off the women. You made the effort to schlep down to the bar to pick up on the tavern teases — good for you. Now, take the next step, and when you see a woman you wish to woo, just do it. Don’t think about it; that time spent in-between the ears distracts from the world taking place around you, which means your prime opportunity is fading. During the time you’ve spent thinking about how to get her digits, she’s been watching you ogle her with a puddle of drool congregating at the base of your sneakers. Ew. Your overthinking closes yet another door, and as time passes, you may unknowingly start to develop a reputation for your inactivity. (I’m told ladies gab about that kind of stuff.) No one wants to have his actions in the past ruin his future fiery flings, and no girl wants to be with a guy who has been labeled “creepy.” Once you’ve been deemed the “C” word, you’re stuck; it’s an irreversible scarlet letter. It’s like a social lower back tattoo. I have found through personal experience that the more time I spent thinking about an approach, the more likely I was to scare off the sweeties. It shows a lack of confidence. Everyone knows that feeling of locking eyes with that certain someone across the room; it’s an absolute rush. However, once that initial eye contact occurs, a clock starts ticking. Every second spent sitting in your seat is sucking away that allure. Instead of acting on instinct like the Neanderthal you are, you waste time using that evolved brain of yours to concoct a picture perfect pickup line. One of two things happens: you wait too long and a more valiant soul attempts to pull the sword from the stone, or you pull off your genius pickup line and it’s a horrific train wreck. You know why? Because it’s not you. It’s someone you are pretending to be, and if you aren’t even confident enough to be you, what will make a girl want to be with you? Part of being a man is getting rejected. When you step up to the plate, you will strike out sometimes. Some ways of going down swinging are more honorable than others. If you are just being yourself and you get rejected, it doesn’t hurt because it’s impossible to please everyone, no matter how awesome you are think you are. But, when you construct an overthought, forced approach, it’s not you, it’s something you made. When something you made gets rejected, it hurts worse because it was something you put effort into and it failed miserably, which makes you feel like a failure. Be confident in yourself; if one woman doesn’t like you for who you are, there are countless others out there who may. Trust your instincts. The problem with overthinking it with women is that you are trying to perfectly determine something indeterminable. No one can predict love, and the time you spend trying to make a game plan in gaining it is a waste. My solution is to simply trust your gut. We have visceral feelings for a reason. It’s more than just your stomach telling you that a woman is attractive; it’s your body begging you to make a move because it desires something. I have seen a drastic change in my voyage through the dating seas by simply acting on my impulses. My previous time overanalyzing things with women has blown so many chances, it’s comical to think about (actually, it’s actually quite painful). If you feel a certain way, say it or show it and the women will at least respect you for it. The irony in all of this is that I’m overthinking the idea of overthinking with women. Long story short: Stop overthinking, trust your gut and don’t ever refer to yourself as a labia leper.